Letter

I was really looking forward to being able to post on a regular basis, but like all things in life... things get categorized according to the amount of time and energy you have to deal with them.

I decided for the first time, in college, to attend summer school. I've been taking this pretty intense 4 week course on Buddhism and Media Arts. It's been really great and inspiring. This is something I wrote a while ago, I wouldn't agree with all of it, but it's definitely the way I think a lot of people feel... I'll post again soon with my current updates/ changes. I'm going to try to find time to write like this again... raw and true... I miss letting it out. I miss finding it! That's what this class has taught me, to find my creative outlet again. :)

Lovely Letters

If I were to die anytime soon... this is what I would want my family to know

My friends to know…

My heroes to know…

The people I hurt…

The people I pushed away…

The people I held to close…

Everyone-

Life is a blessing. 

It’s a chance to learn how to listen. 

I was told in life 

that I can be idealistic…

a perfectionist…

that I was a bitch…

or needed to be a bitch…

that I was harsh…

or I could be cut and dry…

that I was spoiled…

I was humble…

that I was a yo-yo…

that I had potential…

sometimes I heard it more than once,

or only once,

from the same person, 

or from others.

I was told I was beautiful…

It still seems strange to even suppose it’s true.

Beauty wasn’t something very high on my list of important qualities.

I liked to be called beautiful. 

I liked to look nice.

I think I’d rather look elegant… 

But that look didn’t fit in with my time…

Elegance seems like something you can measure.

But how can you measure beauty? 

It’s so opinion based…

And to tell someone they’re not beautiful…

And I’m harsh?

Hmm…

I was told often that I was hard to read…

Hard to figure out…

Hard to understand…

I don’t know why. 

What I was thinking always seemed so obvious to me…

But I suppose it does to everyone.

The way I think is the way God intended me to.

I guess.

If I was so misunderstood,

it was because I didn’t know myself well enough 

to be able to express to anyone else what I thought or felt either

how can I tell you what I don’t know?

It was often I felt like Christians had such different opinions.

It’s strange… 

But it’s almost as though they valued things differently…

If I was idealistic or a perfectionist…

it was because I wanted it to be perfect…

not because I expected it to be.

I would fight with all of my being for something to happen a certain way. 

But if it didn’t… there is a reason for everything…

I don’t believe in sitting back and waiting…

I believe in asking and doing...

to the best of my ability.

If I was a bitch…

It was because I had high expectations

And had trouble placing myself in others shoes

Especially if I didn’t understand who “could have done what but didn’t why”?

If I needed to be a bitch…

I had trouble being direct because I felt guilty for it later.

I didn’t want to wound anyone’s spirit…

No one deserves that. 

 

If I was harsh or cut and dry…

It was because I’ve always had trouble not changing my mind.

If I said it, did it, and let all other possibilities go,

I couldn’t change what is.

Plus, it always hurt too much to keep the past around.

Especially when the obvious was only obvious to me.

If I was spoiled…

I never saw it, and never felt it.

The definition is to have 

impaired character because of excessive praise.

I always felt like I worked for what I had.

Unless it was God…

He blessed me without reason.

And I was very undeserving.

However, I doubt he impaired my character.

If I was humble…

I never saw it, and never felt it.

I guess I define humble differently then the world.

I mean, I hope I was humble.

I didn’t want to be arrogant, haughty, or proud.

But humble to me is someone who never takes credit for anything they do.

If I was a yo-yo,

It was because I wasn’t strong enough.

I couldn’t stand ground long enough 

I questioned myself often.

I couldn’t trust others,

But I rarely trusted myself.

If I had potential,

It was because I cared and tried.

I never wanted to fail, 

And I had faith and hope

to succeed.

If anything, 

I’m a hopeless romantic at heart.

I’m happy back at content.

Pressure to Post

I have to say, when you start a blog, you feel like you have to start being intelligent and witty to even be worthy of such a following. (If there is one...)

I have had a pretty crazy week. I'm really up and down with work, a crazy situation that I can't really post about for fear of loosing my job, and I'm (thank God) almost done with school for the semester. Only summer and fall, and I'll graduate! Yay!

I've covered so many major topics this week I don't even know where to start... 

First, my new thought on the innate goodness of humans. In order for Adam and Eve to sin by eating the of the tree, they must have been incapable of sinning without it, and therefore, been inherently good. So, the only way people can sin is if they are tempted by Satan and when we get to heaven, we will be without sin, because he won't be there to tempt us. I'm sure tons of people would disagree with me on this, but it's a very hopeful and positive thought as far as I'm concerned. I kinda like it. Also, there are so many jokes about food in heaven. I don't really think food in heaven makes sense. I mean, I know there is a lot in the Bible about the banquet feast, but if we won't have these bodies in heaven, why would we need to eat? I mean, personally, it would be nice to never have to go to the bathroom again... sorry for being so frank but, seriously! And if we have spiritual bodies in heaven, and people fast to let their spirit focus on God, wouldn't we just let our spirit "feed" on God? That's all we'll need!

Ok, as for ethics, here's one:

Dagny (my best friend and roommate) and I went to lunch at a cafe in a church this week. We showed up at 11:20, since we like to eat early. The barista in the church told us lunch would not be served until 11:30 when she hung the lunch menu. Kinda weird for a small church cafe to have such rules, but that's cool, so we went next door to the bookstore and looked around for a bit. At about 11:35 we went back and she told us lunch still wasn't ready and that we would have to wait. I was starting to doubt the level of service at the church cafe, but she decided to go ask the cook if he could specially make our sandwiches "early". So, we ordered, she told us just a couple minutes, and we got our drinks and sat and talked for a bit. At 11:50 we got our two sandwiches, which I could have made at home... two slices of wheat, guacamole, turkey, pepper, and lettuce & tomato. So while waiting and on the way back, we discussed a basic in ethics. 

"Here we are, at a cute cafe, in the mega church of ABQ, and had we gotten such weird/bad service like this anywhere else, we would have left, but since it's a church, we give them a little more grace, and go along with it, and we'll come back." We only had an hour, and ended up taking longer than an hour because we waited so long. Dagny had paid for my lunch, so she shows me the credit card slip and says: "It's weird, the slip has a tip line, and because she was so unhelpful and not willing to serve us, I didn't give her a tip. (Dagny always tips 20-30% btw) I wouldn't have expected the cafe to take tips, but once I saw they did, as a customer, I felt obligated to tip her. And now I feel guilty I didn't because I'm in a church." Such an interesting observation. 

Had we been anywhere else, and she didn't tip, she would not have felt guilty. But, since we were in a church, she felt like she should have. And yet it was, surely, the worst service we had received in a long time. We took this thought a step further and analyzed the tipping system. For the typical american, tipping encourages the judgement of others. As a Christian, I'm told not to judge others. So, unless I decide, no matter what the service, always to give a certain %, I'm judging by reducing that amount. It's an interesting concept, because I do not typically ever lower the amount I tip, but if I ever do think I should, (not out of maliciousness, but in the hopes the person will become aware of their behavior and treat others differently) then I will feel like I am judging another. I have been a server before, and it's nice to make a lot at the end of the night, but even when I was "stiffed", I always thought it was them, just bad tippers or something... never my fault. It is socially accepted to sit at dinner and judge your level of service min of 10-15% and giving at 18-20% and max at whatever you want. More on this later...

Variation of a comment already posted...

It's weird sometimes to be a Christian. I don't want to look like a stereotypical one, but instead one who really thinks and considers global issues, and God. What does Christ want from us? What is our dominion over the Earth? What does that mean? How are we supposed to resemble him through what we do, especially when considering major global issues? 

Being a senior at UNM, I've been praying a lot about where God will lead me next. I'm really considering a masters program at a Christian School... good luck finding one it seems. I'd like one that is non-denominational...

It's amazing to me to find people so far away that are talking about the same issues I talk about in my classes. I suppose that is a college thing and I should not be surprised, but it is really easy to forget that other people care about the same things you do. It seems like sometimes, it's just "me" and "God", no one else understands or "gets it". My boss calls people that "get it" P.L.U.s... People Like Us. It's kinda funny to me, like she has some universal click, if you're a PLU you're in, even if we don't know you yet. Well, I hope you know from one little voice in Albuquerque, I do. I care, about people, about God, and about the Earth. I hope you do too. As for getting it, I can only hope and pray I do, and most of the time, I do... I think.

In the beginning

So here I was searching for articles on genetically modified foods when I ran into a "blogger" and his comments so inspired me that I decided I had to start an account as well. 

He was honest and curious, and with comments like someone "just trying to figure it out" he seemed very approachable... I hope my blog will feel the same to you.

Being a religion major, religions and belief systems are a huge part of my life. I know that religion is avoidable for some, but it has been quite the opposite for myself. I have taken classes on every major religion, and I have a pretty good idea of what everyone seems to believe. With this knowledge, I simply cannot separate it from my daily life and everything I do. It affects my job, my wedding plans, my school work, how I vote, who I'm friends with, everything.  

I am taking a class in metaphors right now, that's why I was looking up genetically modified foods. It's a global perspective on global issues and how they relate to metaphors. It's interesting. I'm almost done, and I'm also almost finished with a class in religion, medicine, and health. Also interesting.

I guess I have a lot to talk about...